First Po Yum!

That brown little face,

Chocolate like in colour;
Pretty and full of grace,
Reminds me of a flower.

That cute infectious smile,
Kind of feels comfortable;
Though few thousand miles,
Only makes you huggable.

That heart and strength,
With no dreams to hide;
And those fights in length,
Makes her beautiful inside.

^ That was a 12 line something I wrote for one undeserving someone. Right now I wish I hadn't. A lot of waste of time! Seriously. You can always wish that every time that someone told you all those I love you's they really meant it... but then now that you look back you realise that you've been nothing more than a commodity! A listening post, caring moron and garbage can... And one fine day you're a total asshole! Reason? A new commodity takes your place! Hehe.

Yeah, that was me!

I don’t intend to make this long awaited post some kind of a weird sorry statement. Partly work has been chewing on my time and brain. Also I think I’m running out of inspiration these days. So you got to accept this apology (precautionary in all sense) well in advance because I don't want you to call me a loafer when you fail to see the regular nonsense drain in my next post! Anyways, here is an account of my first attempt at doing a little bit of soul-searching. And thanks to Jemie for allowing me to rip his testimonial about me and post it here.

What do you call it when someone writes a little something about you, and calls it a possible examination of some of your least understood traits, then goes about publishing it for eyes to read and brains to judge? At least orkut calls it a Testimonial! But isn’t there a drift in the way world makes sense of testimonials these days? If you haven't noticed, praise had started smelling bad on those prying noses... But on that note, Jemie did justice: he gave the world something bad to sniff at; he gave me something good to smile at! You must understand that I’m not here to boast or yap away to glory. In fact, I’m here only for these two reasons: 1) to get myself ridiculed and 2) to defend the then already ridiculed me. And that will be it. No boring you with the few lines of praises about me that was in there that got me blushing, secretly, all over. Since curiosity cannot be helped I wouldn’t stop you from going and having a look at that beautiful thesis on some of my distinguishing traits.

Confession: Getting ridiculed is seriously ridiculous. And you’ll see me do just that. Yes! I’m going to accept whatever little truth Jemie has put forth in my testimonial. Wish it helps the world fathom me a little more. He did manage to dig out something from my mental assembly, two flaws precisely, but had to kill all my hopes of living with it for a few more years! It’s like this: someone robs you off your clothes in public, and people there exclaim in both shock and surprise Lazy! Absentminded! looking at whatever they’d just seen and read… Huh! I won’t blame him for giving people what they wanted. I know he was only trying to help a less understood world understand me, and had to do so by feeding in truths to those hungry mouths of cynics! Please don’t think I’m planning a swarm of confessions here. I’m just trying to make my own stand clear. I will tell you this: his thesis was right after all. I’m lazy. And I’m nothing short of absentminded. Big deal! Everyone smells shit in a way or two don’t they? And how will this shit make me any less of a mortal?

Justification: A ridicule defending ridiculousness may sound ridiculously lousy. A retard you might suppose! So be it. But please hear me out. Everyone right from my parents to my boss keeps mouthing about my laziness whatsoever… Once someone even made me a laughing stock while publicly stating that “all that I do is just fart around”! You must understand that nobody taught me laziness. In fact, nobody could. Tell me, how in the world could you teach some lazy bum like me anything at all in the first place? You should know by now that you haven’t much to hope from a do-nothing nonsense chatterbox like me who daydreams his life away! But I have something to tell this world: People should stop expecting me to digest every damn crap they throw at me, or chances are they'll never stop complaining about my farting around! And mind you, give me not just anything but something I really love to chew on, may be you will start hearing less of noise then on…

NB: You might ask, what’s my take on absentmindedness? Well I can only give you examples: have used shaving cream on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste; have threw the banana and started having its peel; have left TV remote inside the fridge while going for water in between a movie; have got into the shower once with half my clothes on; have threw Mani’s mobile phone inside the garbage (then again, I was on four legs); I wonder if Jemie knew any of these… but I think that was enough ridiculousness to last a whole week of laugh for you all!

The few unforgettable people in life!

Ever wondered what makes a few people really unforgettable in life? I'll tell you why! Many people walk into our lives. Each different in their own ways… each with a life to share with you; They come to you as family, neighbours, relatives, class-mates, teachers, colleagues, strangers... but we do not feel the same about all of them!

Time goes by… hours, days, weeks, months, years; you slowly start understanding them... you make them understand you; you open your heart to a few... a few open theirs or at least look into yours; some make you feel important to them; a few remember you when everybody else had long forgotten; and a few stood by you when you had nothing but them; but they all shared one thing in common: they knew you in a way other people don't because they had seen the best and worst of you!

Half aware you slowly give yourself to new relations – you have a loving family, some caring relatives, a few very good friends, even fewer best friends, a lover (if at all), countable good teachers and mentors! Like the flash of a Firefly in the night they come into your life; they show you light… they teach you life’s lessons!

At a point of time in life you’ll wish you had a bigger, tougher heart! You feel sorry for many; and you loathe a few; you wish life had a lot more to offer you… but life doesn’t work that way! Even before you could make sense of anything happening around you, you had already lost your loved ones... a hole had seeped into your life to which you had let a few people fall by; you haven’t a choice but let it happen because life needs to move on!

You will wish life could have come with a “Ctrl+Alt+Del” button so that every time you screw-up you always got a chance to start all over again! But life doesn't work that way... you don't have a hand at turning things around! You are only left with memories... memories that remind you of the life you lived, memories that remind you of the things you loved, memories that remind you of the things you never want to lose!

Well, that reminds me of the picture I have posted below. There are people in there, people who walked into my life, people who made a difference, people who left a lasting impression, people who can never be replaced!

Tipsy turvy weekends!

Remember this song "We like to party!" by Venga Boys? Saturday nights just remind me of that! Booze has become more or less a routine to make a whole dull week slide by, at least after coming here to Chennai.

Wish I could cook up some blame or the other and get away with it... say the kind of work pressure I have to put up daily, my fucked-up love story, blah blah (know what! people demand reasons for everything you do!)... And if you haven't noticed, my poisoned mind is consciously trying to beat around the bush still aware that you wouldn't have believed all that crap anyways!

But you know, life's like this: You try faking a smile when you’re sad. You try helping a friend whom you loathe. You try cheating yourself of what’s reality. You do just about everything to keep you going. But whatever you do, living with the truth for so long had already scarred your face! You have made a significant mess of yourself that even your inner self don't want to hide it anymore.

You can take that as an introspection for all my fooling around! But believe me, a good drench in liquor does work magic! Know why? Two reasons: 1) often caffeine and music is no match for some proven addiction! 2) often it helps me walk out shamelessly from the teasing reality!

By now you should at least have got convinced that this you-know-who is a big-time drunkard? I better stop all this yapping for a while and tell you all about my watery world of friends… the drunks, my partners in crime! Apology: I'm going to honour a few names here without their active consent only hoping they won't whack me up for all my tipsiness.

Gautham, Noufal and Vikas: my regular partners in crime! He he, what else could you expect from a bunch of like-minds living together in the same dwelling? I have this feeling they've been there with me forever... should I say Beer would taste less of a Beer otherwise? He he, but I'm not done yet! Let me tell you all about my little gang of less-regular partners in crime: Arun, Ajith, Arvind, Benley, Chikku, Dev, Deepak, Vishnu, Karthi, Prasobh, Mani, Vinod, Anish, Shwartz, Sharavanan, Unni and Vicky to name the few (teetotalers will have to wait for this is strictly a you-know-what forum)!

I could go about typing forever for all that I've got to tell... but three things are giving me a mind-block: 1) I've done enough confession for the day. 2) I've done enough damage to my friends. 3) Consciousness just reminded me of my inborn laziness. So I think you don't have a choice but bear with me for another week!

Chennai, Me, and My New Job!

I know its been very long since I've annoyed you all with one or two of my senseless posts... sorry, I just wasn't able to find time to butt in and do some typing! You know something? I'm in Chennai now, taking care of exports in an FMCG! But the whole irony is that I'm doing everything other than exports... taking printouts, photocopying, scanning, couriering, faxing, and what now! Hehe, but on a nicer note now am no more an amateur at those!

To let you all know of what's happening with me on my personal front, I haven't been seeing much hope getting in terms with my body physique... wish someone would whack me up soo very hard that I never stop running for days all together! Shyama (my friend working in Marg) called up recently to let me know that some Marathon Run is being organised in Chennai... Have asked her to keep the bets coming! If everything goes well my end (which often wouldn't)... if 21 kms is going to sound like a cake-walk (which never will)... this might become my only chance at getting rid of a few pounds!

To tell you all something about Chennai, I'm getting in good terms with this BIG city! Kind of started liking everything here except for the climate... malls, cinemas, pubs, beaches! You wont believe, am getting dark-spots around my eyes doing too much of bird-watching (hehe).

Well... the new "Me"!

I really don't remember why or when exactly I made up my mind with whatever-there-is-written-below, but at some point of time I was convinced I had to come to terms with the way I was going to live my life. I had to undergo a change, a change that could not be let to wait for chance. Here are the few little things that I started to believe in:

» Smile is very infectious
» Daydreaming isn’t bad
» Hope is a best friend
» Show love, earn love
» Friends are happiness
» Listen to the heart
» Be there when needed
» Stop brooding on past
» Family comes first
» Life is worth living

Me, and my life in JSB...

I happened to be a guy who did not so well academically. B-School was a dream for me. All that I wanted was something that will help me find a good job. That’s when and why I got into Jansons School of Business!

I still remember the first day I walked into this campus… all starry-eyed, awestruck, hopes afloat! You know, I got this strangely comforting feeling of being home! ...then I did not know if this feeling had a name... or even if I could call that happiness... but this is what I felt: “like being everywhere and nowhere at the same time”.

A new life was to slowly take shape. I had a gush of thoughts rushing inside my head... all brain cells flashing bright with anticipation! A lot happened after that day. Met a bunch of real caring friends, learned so much about myself, got a hold on the corporate ladder…

To tell you the truth, I don’t even remember of having celebrated any of my earlier Birthdays with candles, bums, gifts and so much fun until coming here! JSB life means so much to me!

Brooding on post-farewell memories!

A day will come when you will walk into this campus gate, all alone on a day not far away... to this place where once a lot of smiles were shared, love was made, hearts broken and tears spilled. You will step into an empty lecture-hall missing the screams of joy, having only memories for company. You will feel heaven was made here years before!

You will stand under the Neem tree where hundreds of friendship were made and broken. A single tear will escape your eyes and disappear into the dryness of sands. Alone you stand as you think its all over, only memories will remain :-(

A little bit of motivation...

This thought often occurs to me: I look around and find that I am alone. I look down and realise that I am in the depths of life. I look up and see that the whole world is on top. I crack up at having wasted all my life doing nothing!

And if there is a little something that still keeps me moving, it is this fact that there is a valuable lesson waiting to be learned at each and every setback... I about time I start looking at the long view of life rather than brooding on what has happened yesterday or today. How do you think a Caterpillar becomes a Butterfly? It must have that urge to fly so badly that it must be willing to give up being a Caterpillar anymore!

Here's My Bucket List!

Have you ever thought about what you want to do before you die?? Well, I just did. And that's when I sat down and started keying in my Bucket List (took inspiration form this movie "The Bucket List")! You'll find that it's a bunch of some serious dreams and some totally absurd ones...

» Write a Novel that I have inside me.
» Learn to play Guitar with some degree of skill.
» Work in Google or Apple, my dream companies.
» Have a cup of coffee with Steve Jobs.
» Drive my own convertible BMW.
» Try and get rid of half my body weight.
» Tell someone the story of my life, sparing no details.
» Buy a beautiful Villa for my very loved ones.
» Give a great speech in front of one Big audience.
» Send message in a bottle and have someone find it.
» Bungee jump and Skydive.
» Touch the lives of at least a thousand people.

I know I may not be able to fulfil all of those, but still I will look up, believe in them, and try to live it the best way possible!

Lessons life taught me!

For me the world was never as it is but as it could be... like an artist’s canvas begging for colour. And it was all downright crazy the way I hue and cry whenever things went bad or least failed to meet my expectation. I was convinced that all shit that was happening in my life was in a way programmed to work in those ridicule ways. Happy that life had taught me how to smile or chances are that you’d have seen me turn into a one big crack by now!

Please do not consider me for a moron comically sympathizing from a heavy dose of Nitrous oxide. It is just that the more frequently you get exposed to things, the little it starts bothering you. Little by little you start getting used to the life you had been living... like an analgesic for pain... slowly failures start becoming something easily digestible as well.

Pretty much sure victory is long gone you know you're fighting a hopeless battle, yet you don’t want to give up fighting. Reason: simple pleasures in life! There is always this little something... be it getting wet in the rain, meeting an old friend, an unexpected compliment, making someone smile, day-dreaming or having a hearty laugh… these alone could keep you going! Life teaches you how to laugh at the odds, and often "what to expect and what not to expect of it". After all, life is just another battle!

Cakes, Friends, Happiness!

Unlike every other days, 17 Nov 07 came to be my 23rd Birthday! A day that I'd remember all my life. It wouldn't have been great if not for all my great friends... those rare ones you very rarely end up with. Why my life's worth living is because of my friends!

Birthday BUMS at 12 am comprised of a solid 20 minutes' Kick-boxing session. Friends took turns to make my already swelled Butt swell more. Don't ask me how I managed that nights' long sleep... Morning had loads of surprises in store for me. I received 5 birthday cards all-together! A framed Photograph of my (our) Gang! A Shirt, Zodiac key-chain and a leather Wallet!

To top it all, they had me cut a 2 kg Chocolate cake in the evening. The silver foil over the cake found its way to my forehead which made me look a likely Prince JSB had! I had my share of cake to my face, and saw to that my friends got their share too! Photo flashes lighted the place, laughter affected the gathering, and happiness filled my heart. What more can you ask for in life?! Few happy moments will always remind you of the better days you had. I doubt my next Birthdays will carry the same punch...

THAT WAS THE BEST DAY IN MY LIFE!

MARY RANI School Memories...

Only a few people other than those of us who studied here will have even heard of this small school, that hid itself in Sathy road (Coimbatore), behind a Church that glorified its entrance... I'll still consider myself to be one of those lucky ones who got a chance to study here! My conscious life never began here... but I started to learn what is life here. Like it or not, all that you like and hate in me also got bred here!

I did my schooling here for 4 years, 1991 to 1995 (until my 5th grade)! They wouldn't keep me there after 1995 because they did not have a course to offer me for 6th :-(. Great were those days. My Gang of friends to make-up for the little rascals there... Kabbadi in the long-jump pit... Cricket with Coconut tree trunk... Sottai's shop outside the school gate where we sneak to go buy Thaen mittai, Kucchi mittai and everything a 50 paise pocket-money can buy... Standing in the last bench for not doing the homework and standing outside to attend the school Assembly... The beatings I use to get from all those who ended up being my favourite teachers... The PT classes where Ma'am had a tough time trying to make me run and lose a few pounds...

I BADLY MISS MY SCHOOL DAYS!

Innocent, Impossible Dreams...

I don't remember much of my pre-schooling days... but I can never forget this funny memory in my childhood days. I had this neighbour and sidekick, Kuttu! We were hardly 6 yrs old then. We were this experimenting-n-dream-everything kind of kids! Our thoughts use to wandering Sci-Fi.

I remember how we once got into inventing a device that can make people go invisible... We managed to scavenge a damaged circuit board and some loose wires. In the course of a week, all we succeeded to do was connect two stray wires which more or less ended up looking like the antennae in an Alien's head! Well, the gadget went invisible for good before it could take a better shape. I laugh at those days now!

Me.. Sandeep! :-)

To those of you who'd made sense of life, this is Sandeep. To those unlucky ones out there, who, like me, had made no sense of life, this is Sandeep yet again! You know what? For some apparent reason that's one name my parents thought of when I first saw this world!

But thanks to my friends, I've got a good make-over! You can call me Sandy (that is if you like). On the brighter side, unlike me, it's a little less on width and complication! And that's not all because I'm nor done with my names yet! See 24 years of taking crap and you want me to stop at 2?

Or wait, I think I should leave it for you to figure. Thing is: you have a lot of ways of getting my attention and that its not that difficult! So I leave that to you... but be a little easy on me okay? Still, what's there in a name anyway? Hehe. So much for a name huh! But you're just getting to know me :-)